For the majority of my life, I’ve felt like I had been placed on a pedestal, both knowingly and unknowingly by friends and family. I know that this is due to the fact that I have taken on many roles in leadership since a very young age. Whether it was in the church, at school, in the community, even at work. I’ve always enjoyed being a part of a cause greater than myself. I also have a naturally outgoing demeanor and a desire for order and continuous learning which seems to walk me right into these roles.
When being looked to as a leader, it’s easy to fall into the trap of portraying yourself as though you have everything figured out and have it all together. Not that showing stability is wrong, after all, who wants to follow someone who is unstable? It’s in trying to maintain the image of perfection that we don’t allow others to get know our true selves. When we do this we cheat not only ourselves of healing and walking in freedom, we also cheat others of the opportunity to be healed by our truth. There's such hope and healing that can come from knowing that if someone made it through a difficult season, struggle, or addiction, that you can as well. We also cheat ourselves from developing deeper relationships that God purposed for our lives when we shy away from being real and open.
“Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body.” - Ephesians 4:25
“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” - John 8:32
When the idea of this blog was first put on my heart (LAST YEAR!!), I was super excited about it. I told a few of my friends and family members and even stepped down from a volunteer responsibility (you guessed it… in a leadership role, of course ) in order to bring more focus to my writing and the launch of this project. I started off with so much focus and enthusiasm. I purchased the website domain, a professional camera, had several self-directed photoshoots, I poured out and re-lived moments in my life in order to share it here, and more. As soon as I thought I was ready, the enemy overwhelmed my heart with fear. With the fear of what others would think after sharing some of the things that have caused me the greatest shame. Fear of what those involved would feel about their portrayal in my stories. But ultimately the fear of tapping into my most authentic self. The fear of truly being the person that God created me to be and the impact that it would have on those who he has planned for me to reach through being transparent. We know that this is all a part of what the enemy does in trying to stop God’s plans.
Recently I fell in love <3. Truly in love with a man who I trusted to share my truth with during our very first conversation. At the time I didn’t know what had gotten into me. Why would I share something so personal with a complete stranger? What gave me the boldness to do this? Maybe it was that I was trying to sabotage the start of a potentially amazing relationship? Or maybe it was the opposite, I wanted him to see the real me, let the cat out of the bag, and give him the option to choose if I was someone he would want to be with. To my surprise, he listened intently, empathized with my mistakes, was understanding of my emotions, and even took on a protective nature towards me. What I thought were my scars, he thought made me beautiful. What I thought would push him away, drew him closer to me.
Don't get me wrong, I do believe that we must be wise in who we trust our hearts with, but also keep in mind that transparency is important for building “REAL” relationships.
Humans were made for relationship. It’s through relationships, whether with family, friends, spouses, etc..that we heal and grow. It’s through relationships that our strengths, weaknesses, and both positive and negative behaviors are brought to light, and so much more. It is also through our relationships that we get to test love and grow in Godly love.
I’d never be able to experience such an amazing love and move forward on a journey to freedom if I had not allowed myself to be transparent and let love cover my scars. Almost like our relationship with God. His son Jesus was crucified on the cross to shed blood that would cover our sins. This is the ultimate display of love! To die and cover our sins with Love and not punishment.
“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” - 1 John 4:18
I for one know the crippling fear of being transparent, though at the same time, I am learning the rewards and positive effects of it. Being transparent sometimes may feel like jumping off of a cliff, with no safety net. But we must remember that God’s love is our safety net! His love has set us free!
Let's walk in this thang!! (Freedom!)
Until next time loves,
#LAMPATHERFEET