Setting: April 2013 Washington, DC
Growing up I remember watching my older cousin and her friends go out to nightclubs in the cutest dresses and heels. I would see photos and hear stories of how much fun they had in “The Club”. To my knowledge, it was like a ‘rite of passage’ to be old enough to go out and party. I remember being told, “You can do the same thing when you get older, but for now, just be a kid”. I didn’t know it at the time but this was shaping a fascination for “nightlife” within me. Don’t get me wrong, I was not overexposed to anything that I shouldn’t have been as a kid. I truly did the things that kids did. I was super busy with dance school, cheerleading, church youth ministries, and other extracurricular activities. Even so, I still felt like there was so much that I was curious about. I felt like I was missing out. Let's just say that once I turned 16, I convinced my high school security guard to make me a student ID card that said I was 18 so that I could go to clubs and parties. Then again when I was actually 18 in college, I got another fake ID from my upperclassmen roommate to be 21 to go the “REAL” clubs.
I didn’t know it at the time, but going out to bars, clubs, and parties had made the transition from just social gatherings amongst my peers to a temporary fix for my need for attention, validation, and an escape from the reality of not having a greater purpose for my life. In the club, I learned how to finesse promoters. I danced on couches after drinking heavy amounts of alcohol. I pursued countless, fruitless, “situationships” with guys I met in these spaces and just overall compromised my dignity and integrity for the attention I received in these dark rooms.
#PARTYGIRL
Yep, that was me and everyone connected to me knew it. However, NO ONE knew about the negative impact that it began to have on my life or about the alcohol indulgence and occasional drug experimentation carried on from college that came with it. Even after moving to a brand new city embarking on this new path that I believed God had sent me on, I somehow retreated back to this lifestyle.
How can someone live so recklessly without conviction?... One may ask. Well, that's a good question!
Though I grew up in Church like most, I had not grown into a relationship with Christ or even knew what that truly looked like; as my relationship with Christ stopped at salvation. Meaning that I believed that God sent his son Jesus to die for our sins and because of this we have been forgiven. I even made a public confession of this through Baptism and I said my prayers every night. But the truth was, I didn't really know what it meant to actually have a relationship with Christ or how his love transforms one’s heart. I called myself a “Christian” but was not truly a follower of Christ. I had such a worldly and limited view of God. I knew of his “Blessings and Salvation” but I didn’t have a heart and mind transforming relationship with the father that moved me to love like him, to obey his teaching, to worship him, or to spread his Gospel to a dark and desperate world. In fact, my witness to the world was atrocious. I felt like God did me a solid by speaking to me about needing to make the move to Washington, DC after college but that was really as far as it went, due to my heart being closed off to him. At this point, I was only seeking him for hard things and big decisions. I was so selfish and ignorant to his greatness and his desire for a relationship with his children.
#PLAYWITHFIRE #YOUWILLGETBURNED
After 7 years of God’s grace over me through countless intoxicated nights and life-threatening situations, it was as if he finally said: “Tima enough is ENOUGH!” Unbeknownst to me, God was about to shut the entire operation down and my life was about to take a turn that I would have never seen coming.
One evening after attending a day party with two of my girlfriends from College, I made a decision which I regrettably made many times before. I got behind the wheel of my car while intoxicated. My excuse was that I was “the most sober and fit person” to drive us home that night…. #WRONG. In fact, NONE OF US were in the condition to drive home. But NO ONE stopped us. Not the friend at the club that loaded us up on shots of whiskey, Not the acquaintances we hugged and said goodbye to before leaving out, not even the three dudes that walked us to the car while trying to holla at us ...smh. What a joke? Don’t get me wrong, there are a few good people in these places but chances are they will be just as impaired as we were. After all, a nightclub is an environment that highly encourages alcohol consumption.
So we took off…... We made it from the Northwest to the Northeast quadrant of DC unscathed and were literally two blocks away from my home at the time. All of a sudden I got sick, like cripplingly sick and I could no longer drive. Fortunately, I was stopped at a red light when this happened so I did not harm anyone. The trouble was that when the light turned green, I still could not move. This attracted the attention of not one but two DC police officers.
Before I knew it, I was surrounded by blue lights. My friends that were intoxicated and passed out in the backseat were of no assistance when an officer asked if I had someone to come pick us up so that I wouldn't continue to operate the vehicle in this impaired state. Even under the influence of alcohol, this moment was sobering and the feelings of shame and fear were VERY REAL. I had just moved to Washington, DC and didn’t really know my roommates at the time to call them. I was also plagued with too much guilt and shame to even call any nearby family members. Before I even had a chance to tell the officers that I didn’t have anyone to pick me up, my wrists were tied in handcuffs and I was placed in the backseat of a police car. Overwhelmed with both shock and fear I couldn’t even cry. I couldn’t think. I was literally blacking in and out. I vaguely remember getting a mugshot taken, making a phone call to my best friend in New York, and being made to take a urine test in front of a police officer before it all became VERY REAL. After being placed in the holding cell, was when the waterworks came. I cried uncontrollably. Even with all of the life-threatening situations I had been in previously, I had never been so afraid in my life…..
Stay Tuned for Pt. 2!
Until next time loves ……<3